3 Solid Principles for Stronger Relationships
It is estimated that over 99% of counseling is relationship counseling. 70% of people who are fired are fired because they did not get along or fit in. A 20-year Harvard study showed that relationships affect physical health more than food, exercise, or even genetic makeup. It is plain to see that relationships are significant. Even Jesus said there is no commandment greater than loving God and loving people (Mark 12:30-31). Let’s take a look at 3 solid principles for stronger relationships.
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Respect
Make people feel understood and appreciated. 46% of people who leave their job say it is because they didn’t feel respected or appreciated. Make sure your respect is genuine. Les Giblin says, “You can’t make the other fellow feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that he is a nobody.”
- Patience
Control your anger. The Bibles tells us, “Go ahead 
and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry” (Ephesians 4:26, The Message). There are some situations when we should be angry. However, if we want to build stronger relationships, we must channel that anger in a constructive way to resolve a situation, not hurt the other person. You can never build a better relationship with someone you are angry with. Be careful with the words you use toward people you want a better relationship with. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my heart.
- Forgiveness
Be as gentle with other’s faults as you are your own. The core of the Bible’s message is forgiveness – forgiveness we receive and forgiveness we give. “Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32, The Message). Unfortunately, we like to categorize sin into big sins and little sins. This is the way we categorize it: Big sins are the ones you do and little sins are the ones I do. If you want to build better relationships with those you love, you must be as gentle with their faults as you are your own.
Look for the Best in Each Other
Respect, patience, and forgiveness can catapult your relationships to a whole new level. Whether they be your relationship with your spouse, kids, extended family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, or customers. Here is my last bit of encouragement from the Bible concerning relationships:
Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other’s nerves you don’t snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out. -1 Thessalonians 5:13-14 (The Message)
What additional solid principles could you share to help us build stronger relationships?
Tommy Lanham is an award-winning speaker, personality strategist, and world-changer. He was a regional finalist for the Toastmasters International Speech Contest in 2019, making him one of the top 100 speakers in the world! Tommy Lanham is the epitome of enthusiasm. It oozes out of him. He’s obsessed.
At 12, he was a sixth-grade flunky. At 22, he was kicked out of college because of a .8 GPA. (You read that right – a .8 GPA.) After 6 years, he completed his undergrad degree with an unimpressive 2.3 GPA.
Then something happened. Tommy discovered the power of goal-setting, personality strategy, and an enthusiasm mindset.
Tommy calls these, “The 8 Decisions.” He has developed these key decisions over 25 years of successfully coaching, training, and motivating people to reach their God-given potential.
Tommy is on a mission to break out of the monotony of the mundane and mediocre so you can break through to your ENTHUSIASM Zone.
I always 1. Start each and every encounter with the idea the other person is good. 2. Because of 1, I seek to first understand and 2nd to be understood. 3. I verify with active listening, rephrasing what I hear according to the way I understood it. This allows someone who may have casually misspoke to rephrase or be clearer – again, see 1. 4. If I understood them correctly, and what they said upset me, I determine the emotion attached to the feeling by pausing for a moment. I make sure that I clearly and cleanly define the feeling. For example, they may have said something that embarassed me. I could confuse that with anger. They physically feel similar. By telling them that what they said/did embarrassed me, I give them the opportunity to say they didn’t mean to do that and we can talk it out. But saying I am angry with them gives them no information to heal or right the wrong. 5. I am always truthful. It is respectful and honorable. Be kind. But always be honest. Then you will be trusted. You can have relationships with people you don’t “like”. But not with those you don’t trust.
In the final estimation, we should take responsibility for our communication. We should give the benefit of a doubt. And always choose kindness first.
Love that all these principles can be used in any relationship – work, personal, romantic, etc.