How the Bible Says to Build Winning Relationships

1 Thessalonians 5:12-18, is one of the best passages I have ever read when it comes to building winning relationships.

Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (NIV).

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Let us respect those who work hard among us, especially those who serve us as leaders. Leadership is not an easy task. Leaders will make mistakes. Be gentle with them.

We must do whatever we can to live at peace with everyone. We cannot control what others do. We can only control what we do in response.

We must be gentle and patient with those who seem to not “get it” or struggle along. As the stronger person, if that is the case, then we have more responsibility to create peace than they do. May we take the high road.

Always do what is good for others even if they are not doing the same for us. Someone has to set the standard. If we dumb down to their level of thinking and acting then we have allowed them to set our standard. Let us set our own higher standard.

Bring a sense of excitement, joy, and enthusiasm to every situation. In most cases, others will either join in or leave. They will typically only fight you for so long.

This passage is great wisdom for how to build winning relationships. Remember, everything is about relationships. If we can build winning relationships we will be winners in others areas of life as well.

Here is the same passage in another translation:

And now, friends, we ask you to honor those leaders who work so hard for you, who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you along in your obedience. Overwhelm them with appreciation and love!

Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other’s nerves you don’t snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live (1 Thessalonian 5:12-18. The Message).


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_MG_6842cropTommy Lanham is a dynamic, award-winning speaker who has been training individuals and organizations to reach their God-given potential for 25 years. With a unique blend of Ziglar motivation and ragamuffin faith, Tommy delivers powerful, life changing messages filled with humor, hope, and enthusiasm.

Tommy will empower, entertain and energize audiences to achieve extraordinary results and live a life beyond what they ever dreamed possible.

Tommy is dedicated to helping you make your next event the best you’ll ever experience. Your audience will laugh, learn and be inspired as he mixes enthusiasm and humor with motivational stories to deliver a high content message. You will look like a rockstar for hiring Tommy Lanham!

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How to Handle Your Anger

Many of us were told lies when we were kids. An adult would go to put medicine on a scratched knee and they would say, “Now this will not hurt a bit.” We trusted them and they put the medicine on and “OUCH!” did it burn! Then they would say, “Well, of course, it’s going to burn a little bit.” They would tell us to be good little boys and girls so that a big, fat man with a red suit would come down the tiny hole in our chimney to bring us toys for Christmas. (Then they would vaguely mention from time to time something about a child born in a manger. That part was actually true yet somewhat overlooked). Then, many of us heard this lie, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

The truth is: words can hurt very much. As an adult, I heard a variation of that quote that I believe is much more truthful: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my heart.” Words can hurt.  If we want to build winning relationships we must be aware of how damaging words can be.

Sometimes negative words come from joking and sometimes they come from anger. Those two are not necessarily exclusive. If we want to build winning relationships with our spouses, kids, and coworkers, we must learn to control our anger. In other words, patience is a fertilizer for winning relationships.

Let me just clarify: when I am talking about anger, I am talking about uncontrolled anger. There are some things we should be angry about. The number of senseless deaths that take place every year, mistreatment and abuse of people especially kids and the elderly, the number of people going without basic food and clean water, etc. However, our anger should be a controlled anger. Even Jesus got angry (Mark  11:15-17), but his anger was controlled, focused, and intentional to serve a specific purpose. Most of the time our anger is not. Ephesians 4:26, gives us some insight into how to handle anger; “’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (NIV). This verse describes an anger that is under control and intentionally dealt with.

Here is one tip for controlling your anger: think of your phone… No, I have not lost my mind. Think about it, when you are yelling and screaming out of anger (usually at someone you supposedly love) and all of the sudden the phone rings, how do you answer it? I bet it would be fair to say that the majority of you go through an immediate attitude adjustment and bring your voice under control before you answer your phone. So, the next time you are angry, just imagine your phone starts ringing and go ahead and make the adjustment before you speak and say something you will later regret.


Follow to this blog to get motivation, encouragement, and accountability to help you reach your God-given potential!

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_MG_6842cropTommy Lanham is a dynamic, award-winning speaker who has been training individuals and organizations to reach their God-given potential for 25 years. With a unique blend of Ziglar motivation and ragamuffin faith, Tommy delivers powerful, life changing messages filled with humor, hope, and enthusiasm.

Tommy will empower, entertain and energize audiences to achieve extraordinary results and live a life beyond what they ever dreamed possible.

Tommy is dedicated to helping you make your next event the best you’ll ever experience. Your audience will laugh, learn and be inspired as he mixes enthusiasm and humor with motivational stories to deliver a high content message. You will look like a rockstar for hiring Tommy Lanham!

Check Tommy’s availability or leave a note:

What do you REALLY Want?

We are in that time of year when many people are going on vacation. Most of us do a great deal of planning for our vacations. We decide where we are going, how long we will stay there, and what we will do while we are there.

If you are like my wife, you also plan exactly when, where, and what the whole family will eat; at what points we stop for gas and bathroom breaks; and keep exact track of what time we are supposed to be at each mile along the way (that is a slight exaggeration, but not by much). You will also have planned out what the family does on each day and when nap breaks can be had. For many people, if the vacation is not well planned it is not a vacation.

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However, I wonder how many of us put as much planning into our lives as we do our vacations. On vacation, we have goals or checkpoints to make sure we stay on task. Do we do the same with our life? Is not our life, as a whole, more important than a temporary vacation?

Yet, it seems, more people put more thought into their vacation than they do their lives. We put more effort into planning the wedding than we do the marriage. We put more concentrated effort into getting the job than we do actually working the job itself.

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Imagine how much better and in control our lives would be if we took the time to plan out our lives. Not that every little detail needs to be planned (I would say the same thing about a vacation), but how nice it would be to have checkpoints along the way, ways of measuring where we are in relation to where we want to be. What are your goals?

After doing a workshop on goals I had a lady say to me, “I guess that has helped a lot of people who have the willpower to do it.” She seemed to be insinuating she did not have the willpower. My response, “It is not about willpower, it is about ‘want power’”. It really does come down to what you really want out of life.

People typically do what they need to do in order to get what they really want. They may say they want something different, but as a general rule, we all have exactly what we want. If we really want something we will do what it takes to get it.

I can sit around and say, “I want to be healthier.” But if I am just sitting around all day eating junk food it is because I do not REALLY want to be healthy. What I REALLY want is to sit around and eat junk food.

Rowboat.ship quoteBe intentional! Do not sit around waiting for your ship to come in. If you want that ship, then swim out and get it. Stop waiting for it to come in. If you just sit and wait for it, somebody else will swim out to the ship you want and then you will just sit and complain about how lucky they were. I have discovered that the harder I work the luckier I become.

So, let’s be intentional! Let’s take some time to plan our life and then take massive action to make it happen. Use your “want power” to make it happen!


Follow to this blog to get motivation, encouragement, and accountability to help you reach your God-given potential!

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_MG_6842cropTommy Lanham is a dynamic, award-winning speaker who has been training individuals and organizations to reach their God-given potential for 25 years. With a unique blend of Ziglar motivation and ragamuffin faith, Tommy delivers powerful, life changing messages filled with humor, hope, and enthusiasm.

Tommy will empower, entertain and energize audiences to achieve extraordinary results and live a life beyond what they ever dreamed possible.

Tommy is dedicated to helping you make your next event the best you’ll ever experience. Your audience will laugh, learn and be inspired as he mixes enthusiasm and humor with motivational stories to deliver a high content message. You will look like a rockstar for hiring Tommy Lanham!

Check Tommy’s availability or leave a note: